Friday, March 28, 2014

I Always Burn the Grilled Cheese

I always burn the Grilled Cheese
                I’m not a great cook, but I’m not the worst either. There are many things I can cook with ease, but then there’s the Grilled Cheese. Ever since I can remember, I burn the Grilled Cheese. One of the simplest things to prepare and I always ruin it. No matter the situation and no matter how careful I am, I always burn it.
                This is how I feel with relationships. Something that seems so easy to some people is one of the most difficult things for me. No matter how good it is or how wonderful y a girl treats me, I always find a way to ruin the relationship sometimes intentionally and sometimes not.
                I’ve been in great relationships and I’ve been in horrible ones. I’ve done many things imaginable to ruin a relationship. I’ve cheated, I’ve lied, I’ve been too honest, I’ve been smothering, and even been neglectful. Nothing seems to help me “make it work.” It seems like every girl I’ve dated, I choose to be the opposite of what she wants.
                I recently met a wonderful, good-looking girl who goes out of her way to make me feel special, but I cannot seem to commit myself to her because my heart is somewhere else. She seemed understanding of this at first, but it seems like the cup of her frustration is soon to be filled and it will runneth over.  Once again, I managed to burn the grilled cheese. As wonderful as this girl is you may think it would be easy to “make it work” for once, but it is not. All I had to do was pay attention to her, and I did not do that.
                Don’t get me wrong, this is not a post to fish for pity or anything of the sort. I don’t expect any, “hang in there buddy, you’ll find the right one soon” kind of comments (nor is what this post is about). The reason for me writing this is to show that no matter how hard you try, relationships and “love” can be ruined in the blink of an eye. If you say one lie too many, your partner will cease to trust you. If you act too jealous, your partner will become annoyed by you.
                Now, how can someone like me, who has ruined more relationships than Ted Mosby, give relationship or love advice? Because I have failed. Every successful person in the world knows you must fail many times before you finally succeed. There is one girl I constantly see… she is not my girlfriend nor do we intend on being in any kind of committed relationship with each other, but we have had more ups and downs than the stock market. I have learned more from failing multiple times with this one girl than I have all my other relationships put together. I learned this: when love exists, the grilled cheese will be delicious despite the burned parts. Love is not about building a perfect relationship for the world to see; instead, it is about learning to put up with each other’s shit and find a way to be there for each other when their life is literally in a mess.

                I’ve learned to appreciate the grilled cheese: despite the burned parts on the outside, the inside is always cheesy and delicious. Things are not always what they seem. Take time to appreciate the grilled cheese.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Being smart pays off... literally.

Everyone can be smart. Everyone can be intelligent. Everyone can even be educated. The only thing anyone has to do to be such things is CHOOSE to be. Now, for those who confuse studious with smart, I want to take a quick minute to explain the difference.

Being studious is spending a lot of time studying or doing homework. Some people confuse this with being smart. It is important to know the difference so one can jump at opportunities and take advantage of opportunities presented like the following anectdote.

A girl once asked me for help with her homework. It turned out she wanted me to do her work for her. I recognized the situation and knew I had the upper hand and a little leverage here. I immediately said, "I'll do it for $20." She said, deal. This is when I got smart.

I could have just left it at that and made a quick $20, it wasn't that much work anyway. Leave it at that and be friendzoned? Please! I've watched enough "How I Met Your Mother" to know where I could take this (true story, bro). What I said next is what separates the boys from the men, "$20 and a blowjob." She almost didn't have to think about it; she said, "ok."

Now, this is a lesson to all boys and men out there who have the awful mentality that they cannot get a girl, let alone a hot one. This girl is attractive and agreed to going down on me because I had the confidence to ask.

You're probably thinking, "oh, listen to this guy brag about getting felatio from a hot girl, she probably doesn't even exist." Me saying said girl is attractive is not to boast or brag about my achievement; instead, it is a compliment to said girl as I hope she is reading this. But seriously, she's hot.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Document 3

1
                “Look, babe, that car has been parked on the side of the road a few days. I wonder why the police haven’t towed it yet.”
I looked over at the car she was referring to, and indeed, I too had seen it once or twice this week already.
“It doesn’t even have a notice or anything.” She said with innocent curiosity in her voice. “Do you think it’s a spy?”
I thought about whether or not it COULD be a spy for a second...
“What if it’s a GHOST?!” I asked startling her when I raised my voice.
“WHAT IF IT’S A ZOMBIE?!” She yelled out playfully.
She stared at the car parked on the side of the road as we drove off. I did too… in the rearview mirror. Both of us couldn’t help but feel something strange about that car parked there. The road we took home wasn’t a popular one. Most of us out here neighbors know each other very well. We find it strange when strange vehicles appear out of nowhere and just sit there for days without explanation.

2
The next day we went about our business the same way: we kissed on the driveway, got in our cars and went to work. Everything seemed normal; nothing out of the ordinary.
I couldn’t help thinking about the car from the night before while I was at work, though. My cubicle was near a window at work and I found myself checking the window continuously. I don’t know why I thought maybe the car would be parked outside.
I opened the bottom drawer of my desk looking for my headphones when, as I reached in, something grabbed my hand and pulled me in toward the drawer!
-          I want to take a moment to talk about what grabbed my hand… I often have dreams… dreams that haunt me throughout the day. The creatures in my dream are neither dead nor alive. When I tell people about my dreams, they don’t know what to tell me. Some think I’m just stressed; others think I’m infirm. Whatever the case, these creatures are certainly the ugliest ever…
- It was nothing but another one of my dreams. I woke up startled. My heart-rate was well above normal.  I got up from my desk and went down the hall to the water cooler. Everything seemed fine again.

3
                At the end of the day I clocked out and called Katherine as soon as I got out of the building.
                “I’m having the dreams again.” I told her in a hurried voice. “I dozed off during work again and woke up in the middle of one of the dreams.”
                “How long were you asleep?”  She asked.
                “I don’t know,” I answered, “I was spaced out thinking about something else then woke up suddenly.”
                Katherine was studying psychology at the university and she liked keeping a log of my dreams.
                “Who was it this time?” She asked.
                “I don’t know, I only saw hands,” I answered.
                “It was definitively a Zombie, though, right?”
                “Don’t call them that! I don’t like the sound… and I don’t like when you make fun of me either.”
                “Ok, ok, I’m sorry; I’ll try to be more sensitive about your fear of Zombies.”
                “You’re a wonderful therapist,” I said with loving sarcasm.
                “See you tonight; I got class in the evening so I won’t be home when you get there.”
                “Love ya, have a good time in class. Learn bunches.”

4
                I was working on a midterm paper when Katherine arrived. She walked in the door with her usual energy and excitement… ever so eager to tell me what she learned in class that night.
                “I made dinner,” I said pointing toward the oven.
                “Wait!” She said with excitement, “Let me tell you about today’s lecture - “
                As she began telling me her story, we heard a sound coming from the back of the house. It sounded like someone knocked on the door, but we never got any visitors out here.
                Katherine and I met in undergrad school and moved to El Paso together to work on our Master’s. Our house was about twenty minutes out of town and in a big property -  I remember how happy Katherine was when we found such a great deal on a rental. The proper was fenced in and we had a gate. Besides, any normal visitors would knock on the front door… right?
                “Go check that out, babe,” Katherine’s voice trembled a bit.
                I went to check the back door when suddenly a bang on the front door made Katherine scream. We both ran up the stairs and I headed for my gun case in the closet. Katherine reached for her pistol in the nightstand drawer. Luckily, we both grew up in Texas and have been handling guns since we were 12.
                I looked out the bedroom window which led to the front of the house, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. When I turned back from the window, Katherine was already headed for the other bedroom which window led to the back.
                She let out a loud scream then yelled, “Babe, come quick!”
                I ran to the other bedroom and looked out the window. If I wasn’t trying to be brave in the eyes of my girlfriend, I may have let out a scream as well – Out there in the middle of the yard was the abandoned car we saw on the road the night before. Neither of us knew what to think of it and we stood frozen a few seconds.
                I loaded the gun and hurried down the stairs almost trembling fearing what I might see when I opened the back door. I half-assed said a prayer under my breath then walked toward the back door. I paused, took one last breath, then turned the knob, but when I pulled the knob there was nothing on the other side. I walked out the door and inspected the backyard, but there wasn’t a thing to be found.
                As I headed back inside, Katherine stood in the doorway looking terrified and puzzled at the same time.
                “What the fuck is going on?” She asked, “Didn’t we just see something back here? Are we both going insane?”
                I held her and kissed her forehead then said, “let’s lock all the doors and keep the pistols ready through the night, baby, I don’t know what’s going on.”
                “Let’s call the police,” she said.
                “What are we going to tell them? That we’re hearing things and seeing magical cars?”
                “You’re an asshole,” she said, “maybe we should tell them about your Zombies too.”
                We laughed then locked all the doors… we did everything we could to sleep that night, but it wasn’t easy.

5
                The next morning I was woken up by Katherine jumping into bed with a handful of printouts.
                “Look,” she said “I found some police reports online.”
                I took the papers and browsed through some of the reports.
                “This doesn’t make any sense,” I said. “All the reports describe the exact same vehicle we saw at the exact location, but – “
                “I know,” she interrupted, “The dates are all whack… check out this one.” She handed me one dated back to 1969; a couple was reported missing in that spot. The police had found the car empty. There was no evidence of violence or a struggle.
                All the reports were very similar: someone called in to report an abandoned vehicle on the highway; they say they’ve seen the same car there for days, but when the police arrive there is no such vehicle.




Suggested Titles
Ghost Car!

Deaf-car

Monday, September 16, 2013

A Thousand Lines

I felt like writing you a thousand lines,
but I could only come up with one...
so I wrote it a thousand times...

Fuck you, I love you! x 1,000

Monday, May 13, 2013

Inspired by you,
I’m writing haikus again.
Makes me feel complete.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Like a Dream v2

I can't get you off my mind, 
so I'm putting you on paper... 
good thing I get paid to write 
because I can write about you forever. 
This poem may not be the best, 
but what inspired it is heavenly. 
This one is not about a kiss, 
Or how your smile brings out the best in me, 
or those beautiful brown eyes, 
that melt my entire being. 
Don't get me wrong though, dear; 
I love those things about you, 
but the reason behind these lines today 
as I sit thinking about you, 
is to tell you how I feel, 
when my arms are wrapped around you. 
It is almost like a dream, 
It’s pure, beautiful and magical, 
Intoxicating with euphoria, 
of your bitter-sweetness attitude. 
Hear my breath and feel my heartbeat, 
I feel like a king around you.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Like Fondue v2

With ravishing eyes that pierced my soul, 
she trapped my heart and won't let go.
Her lips entice thoughts in my mind
which seem I've never thought before.

Spontaneous, smart and funny,
She turns my overcast to sunny.
What's so special about her lips?
They have got my circuit in a fritz.

She's running circles in my mind,
but I'd be a fool to try and stop her.
Her smile in memory is better 
than having ever lived without her.

A transient glance has dug my grave,
for I'm too weak to walk away.
And again I melt in such a way
which I could only melt for her.