The Pen is Mightier than a Sword, Not a Pistola

I used to think I was your boy toy,
but now I stand corrected.
"You ain't nothing but her bitch!"
the still and emptiness of night
join the cold side of my bed to mock me.
Disappointment never tasted so sweet
struggling with this everlasting tug of war
which I could never win,
but it's not for a lack of trying.
Maybe you just don't notice what you do
and the pain you cause
when you treat me like a beauty product
only using me to lift yourself.
It seems to me it is not my kisses you seek
nor my touch, OR my love...
which I have a vast amount of,
and although it doesn't mean much to you,
it's all reserved just for you.

Disappointment never tasted so sweet,
but even as I sit here waiting and stood up yet again,
I still think of you as infallible
and nothing you do is ever wrong.
YOU are the only girl I know that can demand anything you want
and you should get it,
because you deserve it and
any man who thinks is worthy of your company MUST comply.
No matter where you go,
you are the queen.
Most around you have to slit a throat to get attention,
but all YOU have to do is smile
and it seems as if by magic
the whole world is filled with sunshine
and we all fall at your feet,
but no matter how many servants,
how many lovers
or how many more times you're going to break my heart,
I still think of you as infallible
and nothing you do is ever wrong.

So, how will you know it's for you?
How will you know it's your name intended to be
in the blank of the insinuated pun
and overrated cliche I've laid down
on this paper of dreams that come to life
as you close your eyes and remember the taste?
Nothing I say can make it more obvious
than the mere fact that I've sat down and taken time to write this.
For all I need is inspiration...
and when it comes to inspiration,
Gorgeous Chocolate Chip Muse of mine has never failed.
If you were wondering, yes, I do still think of you, but
these lines are intended, not for you, nor for the other,
but for me and my new lover.
She has taken hold of me and I love it.
I can feel her through my veins as I walk carelessly and free.
God bless the mighty pen... for she sits in my right hand
giving me life and animating my thoughts.
My new queen, my new obsession... her and I, we're going far.

Inspiration Part 2: "That wasn't sex... that was naked poetry."

This post is a continuation from a previous one... Click here to read: Inspiration

As an aspiring writer, I can't help but admire Hank Moody. I know he's a fictional character, but a phenomenal fictional character he is. If you haven't had the chance to catch Californication on Showtime, please make some time to catch up on it, you'll be glad you did. Sometimes I feel like Hank Moody and I share the same brain. A lot of his lines, his delivery and the way he carries himself reminds me of myself. David Duchovny does a great job playing Hank Moody.

One of the lines that made a bigger impact in me was, "that wasn't sex... that was naked poetry." Lines like those inspired me to write. I have admired poetic lines like those since I can remember. I used to sit and dissect Aerosmith lyrics for hours. Sometimes is as if I'm in in love WITH love... or the idea of love. I crave the feelings described by others. I must admit, though, I HAVE been lucky enough to have felt feelings like those. Feelings that inspire writing.

I most definitively understand where Hank Moody is coming from when he says, "don't sell yourself short... I invited you to come, you did all the rest" ... I know what his head is going through. In one occasion, a gorgeous girl I was seeing, which I consider my muse (she has been inspiring most of my writing since I was about 13 years old), she actually asked me if I was "on the spot writing" or an "impromptu" kind of writing because I was "delivering lines" as I stared at her. Apparently she noticed I was "being creative." Every artist has a creative spot. I've written about my creative spot titled, "Bipolar Advantage: If Your Eyes Could Only See." This "spot" is a surreal place... it's pretty much anything the artist wants it to be. That's where you go when you are imagining things and coming up with ideas.  Sometimes, when you think about something so intensely you tune everything out and go into a "zone." This "zone" is very similar to the Creative Spot except the creative spot CAN be tapped into willingly and when you zone out you usually do it subconsciously.

Another similar anecdote was a girl I was with for a long time. When we first got together she would tease me and make comments about my "lines"... it took her a little while before she figured out that she was actually inspiring these "lines" and I wasn't up the night before memorizing them. For a little while, she actually thought I would look up lines on the internet and just wait for the right moment to deliver them when in reality it was her and the moment inspiring those lines.

One kind of cool thing about those special moments is that a lot of them never make it on paper. Unlike Hank Moody, who is on-screen and all his lines are immortalized, some of the lines I've whispered have been "one timers." That, in a way, is pretty cool because I share a moment with someone who no one else will know about. Yes, that "on the spot" writing on air-canvas will never be heard by anyone else, but it adds to the "specialness" of the moment. To me, it's kind of nice knowing I have moments and inside jokes that will never mean the same thing to anyone else. Since I write a lot, I make it a point not to use the same "lines" with different girls. Every girl I've been with, which haven't been many, can be certain the things I said to them will not be said to anyone else.

The things I do decide to publish, though, have been so because I decided to immortalize the moment. I chose to publish those moments and feelings because I thought they made for great writing. I felt that feeling I so craved before pretty intensely and I wanted others to crave it as well. I have been told before that I inspire people to write because I'm so passionate about it, but the goal of my writing goes beyond that... I want to share these thoughts and feelings to inspire my readers to let go and take that leap of faith. Love and let yourself be loved. Watch a lot of Californication and take plenty of notes.


CALIFORNICATION Season 4 Episode 7 Promo And Sneak Peek Clips

Deuce!

I have finally reached a point
where I no longer need your drug.
I am happy all on my own now.
I have seen myself get down over thoughts of you...
and I don't like where those thoughts take me.
Sometimes they just drive me way off into space.
Discovering traveling waves disappearing at the speed of light.
These journeys have dawned new daylight in my scientific quest.
You are nothing more than burning ether in my world!
Although a rare kind of element compound,
space-filling gas is all you really are...
You're not really going to blow,
you're just going to "warn" me with your scent.

I have finally reached a point
where I'm no longer intoxicated by your poison...
Your Kung Fu has no more grip on me.
I can see what I'm worth for on my own now
not just in relation to the quality of work I do
when I'm drunk and high on you.
I'm glad I've reached this status, though.
For all this means is I can still love you,
but not hurt when you don't come around.

They say the first step to rehabilitation from ANY kind of debilitation
is coming to terms with the fact that you don't have a problem,
only challenges to overcome.
For all the lovin' I have given through this one way road to nothingness,
I tip my hat and throw a deuce at you, dear...
Challenge accepted!

STR and Kris Roe of The Ataris live Feb 12th, 2001 in Mission, TX

The Ataris... I remember it as if it were yesterday. I walked outside the cafeteria one day during high school and sat down with a few friends. Someone was playing a guitar near us and it still continues playing in my head to this date, "Last night I had a dream that we went to Disneyland, went on all the rides, didn't have to wait in line." I thought to myself, "what a nice dream that must have been... just hanging out with the girl you love in an amusement park doing as you please with no one around to bother you." I was so young and innocent that the idea of "Disneyland" being used metaphorically as a reference to sex didn't even cross my mind. I shot up from my seat and went over to the person playing the guitar and asked who wrote that song. He answered, "are you serious, man? The Ataris!" Judging by his tone I figured this was a band I HAD to know and I began searching for them immediately.

What I found was a band that spoke to me in many different ways. One of the things I like most about The Ataris is the lyric writing. I related to a lot of the things he put into his songs... AND the way he says it too. Their music kicked me off into this hopeless romantic personality that persists to this day. At the same time, they also had kick ass songs like "Teenage Riot" that just made you want to break something. All in all... The Ataris had an awesome combination of sweet lyrics, crunchy guitars and very catchy, energetic beats.

Fast forward to today... living in The Rio Grande Valley, an area notorious for having a shady music scene, I lost almost all hope for the local music scene. I was highly disappointed in the scene for a long time... most bands sounded horrible, looked worse and their lyrics were mediocre. Luckily, I was fortunate enough to hear STR one day. The first time I heard STR was at Monster Car Wash. I had been invited to the show by Tazzy, their manager. When I showed up, they were in the middle of playing Umbrella by Rihanna. They were playing it over crunchy rock guitars and a killer percussion section. I was amazed... first off, Rihanna is not normally a top artist to cover around this scene. They continued playing and went into some of their originals. When I heard, "I got it" I realized why I liked this band so much... because they reminded me of The Ataris a bit.

It's not so much their sound, but their attitudes and personalities that I find a bit similar... I don't know what to call it, but what I like about both bands is that they're hopeless romantics with A LOT  of attitude and they can still swing a bat to your head if you get out of line.

Now I'm fortunate enough to be working with the people behind one show I am REALLY looking forward to...

STR and Kris Roe of The Ataris live Feb 12th, 2001 in Mission, TX

I get to see both bands perform together... Not only do I get to enjoy a GREAT show, but I'm getting paid to enjoy a GREAT show... I love my life! More on this later.